Spam is good for your health. Those were the days when all that spam meant was that sausagey-ham encased in a blue square tin can with the big friendly yellow letters forming the word 'SPAM' on its front. Otherwise, spam can be wholeheartedly said to be anything but good for your health. I wouldn't be surprised if Cornell or Columbia University came up with a survey that said 40% of all Americans aged 9 to 99 suffer extreme anger/stress/exasperation when confronted with spam. There's something about spam that is utterly irksome. Perhaps its the fact that its hard to believe that anyone could think of making a business by hoping that one person would exclaim 'Oh goody! Viagra pills! Just what I need!' out every thousand. Obviously no thought is given to the nine hundred and ninety nine other annoyed people who wouldn't even want to be paid reading such junk. Perhaps its also the sheer stupidity of it all. They may think an email from 'Kelly Jane' would force me to open the letter if I happened to know a Kelly Jane. Of course they (the spammers) fail to realise that Kelly Jane, being the punk rockeuse and atheist she is, would shudder and convulse violently at the thought of putting 'Hi' into the subject line of the email. There's also the spam-made-to-look-like-an-email from 'Chris', and yet again the spammers fail to put to thought that the only Chris that I know I meet at school, and hence it would be entirely illogical to write 'Its been a long time' for a subject.

I therefore come to a premature conclusion that all spammers are sadistic. The thought of just one click sending a hundred thousand emails containing completely and utterly useless junk and thus recieving, as profit, several meagre dollars, is absurd. Luckily in the old days, spam only existed as junk (snail) mail, the ones elaborately envelopped with cheap enticements (as 'You've just won two day, all-expenses-paid trip to Morocco! see fine print') that would stuff your mailbox like a terrier trying to fit through a four-inch hole. At least you have to give the junk-mailers then the credit of trying (and they paid for postage). Now all you get is 'Buy pills cheap $24.99 oppafuougewrgfcz Cheap Cheap buy now click' sent to you from dpsfdg@sgpofd.ru. Undoubtedly spam only flourishes because its a cheap means to advertise, but it certainly does injustice to the advertising world. After all, advertising is about luring a customer away from a competitor by screaming 'Mine Mine MINE!' for 24 hours straight (well not really). Its most obviously not about deception and sheer annoyance.

Believe me, some of the best parts of watching television (if and when I have the time to do so) is to see the ads. Its effect is limited to going to the shopping mall, seeing 'Acme Brand spaghetti', recognising it from a TV ad, and buying the cheaper one right next to it. I'm perhaps what they call an 'advertiser's nightmare'. (They may retort that subconciously the pink bunny with drums will force me to buy Energizer batteries, but I'll ferverently disagree, despite the stacks of (Energizer) batteries right before me.) I won't go into the details of each hilarious ad I've seen (and remembered over the years) but its kudos to them for coming up with original ideas (Wazzzzaaaaah, otherwise known as Budweiser, otherwise known as the three green frogs).
Thus I refuse to accept spam as any sort of means of advertisement, for advertisement shames itself were it to include it into such a category. Spam is no more than the bags of litter that are clawed by crows each and every morning. I could only forsee such business declining in the years to come as spam measures become more stringent and those spammers realise that it isn't worthwhile after all to go after those few ignorant middle aged men who think the advert for Viagra is precisely what they need. The only enjoyment I can get from spammers is just hoping they too get spam in their inbox. Ironies of ironies, hunter gets hunted, I'd say.

Written on Thursday, July 29 at 5:57 PM